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~ Read this month's "Waters World" Gazette ~

"A vexing look at our radically changing America !"

A Collection of Absolutely Useless Information*

Courtesy of, and by: William Michaelian

THE ‘OUR GANG’ CURSE

Kind of makes a person wonder. I remember when Alfalfa played a bit part in the swimming pool scene of It’s a Wonderful Life. I thought he was brilliant. Pete the Pup’s is an exceptionally tragic-sounding case. I picture someone sneaking up on him and pouring poison down his throat. I hope it didn’t happen that way.

• Alfalfa — Carl Switzer was shot to death at age 31.

• Chubby — 300-pound Norman Chaney died at age 22 following an operation.

• Buckwheat — William Thomas died at age 49 of a heart attack.

• Darla Hood — The Our Gang leading lady contracted hepatitis and died at 47.

• Brisbane — Kendall McCormas, aka Breezy Brisbane, committed suicide at 64.

• Froggy — William Robert Laughline was killed in a motor scooter accident at 16.

• Mickey Daniels — He died of liver disease at 55.

• Stymie — Mathew Bear led a life of crime and drugs. Died of a stroke at age 56.

• Scotty Beckett — He died at age 38 following a brutal beating.

• Wheezer — Robert Hutchins was killed in an airplane accident at age 19.

• Pete the Pup — He was poisoned by an unknown assailant.

• Butch — Currently lives in California.

 

~ The "Waters World" Gazette ~

"A vexing look at a Radically Changing America !"

	Who's George Soros? What's his connection to Petrobras, Acorn, the Whitehouse and President Barack Obama?
Read the August Issue of the Gazette!

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Here are some facts about the Middle Ages:

• The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a Thresh Hold.

• Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell ... brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

• Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

• Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

• There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

• In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

• Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

• Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

• Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

• England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer...

• They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.... if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor." But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low.

Florida Court sets Atheist Holy Day! Gotta Love this Judge!

A LITERARY TONGUE TWISTER ~
Here’s a catchy term found in an old edition of The Reader’s Encyclopedia. I don’t know what it means, but it sounds impressive. Bet you can’t say it ten times fast.

“Honorificabilitudinitatibus. A made up word on the Lat. honorificabilitudo, honorableness, which frequently occurs in Elizabethan plays as an instance of sesquipedalian pomposity, etc.”

For those of you just dying to look these words up, here's a link to Webster's Online Dictionary...

POLITICAL SATIRE, YOU DECIDE...

All politically expressed viewpoints are those of William Michaelian

HOW TO SURVIVE FOUR MORE YEARS:

• Discover oil in your backyard

• Buy your own body armor

• Go AWOL — hey, it worked for George

• Go to Canada for cheaper drugs, then stay there

• Stop speaking English — hey, it worked for George

• Wear a jacket so you won’t be caught in the draft

• Become a wealthy corporate polluter

• Open a Humvee agency

• Change your name to Bin Laden

• Land a military casket-making contract

10 GREAT REALITY SHOWS YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS:
There is literally a rash of new reality TV shows scheduled this season, none of which will be remembered for more than a few weeks. With any luck, they will be replaced by these:

“Rebel Nannies”
“President for a Day”
“My Big Fat Obnoxious Undertaker”
“The Search for America’s Next Great Insurance Agent”
“Dictator’s Island”
“Surprise! I’m Not a Real Surgeon!”
“Store Clerks from Hell”
“Candidates’ Strip Poker”
“Taxi Drivers’ Smackdown”
“Cheating Husbands, Sleazy Wives”

WISDOM ON WHEELS:
It’s funny. You can go for months without seeing a decent bumper sticker, and then all of a sudden you see several. These were all on one car. Unfortunately, I was unable to catch a glimpse of the driver, but I’m sure he looked like Einstein or some similarly gifted lunatic — which, come to think of it, includes just about everybody, except for us normal people.

• Never underestimate the power of large groups of stupid people

• Partnership for an idiot-free America

• Where the hell is Easy Street?

A FEW PRESIDENTIAL HEADLINES WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
One of the good things about living in the United States is that, for the time being, at least, most of its citizens are free to say what they want. For instance, if someone wants to criticize the president (whether he was actually elected or not is beside the point), he doesn’t have to ask anyone’s permission, he can just stand up and say, “Hello, I think the president is an idiot.” Of course, no good American would do this, because good Americans — as we are frequently told by a free and independent corporate-owned press completely untainted by special interests — all think the president is wonderful. That’s why I was so mad the other day when I saw a bumper sticker that said “Re-elect Gore in 2004.” In fact, if I wasn’t so busy thinking up the following headlines, I would have flagged down the driver and given him a piece of my mind, even though I obviously can’t afford it.

• Bush studies history of Middle East

• Commander-in-Chief will join infantry in combat

• George W. granted honorary lumberjack degree

• President’s cranium declared wilderness area

• Thrifty president shops at Wal-Mart

• Bush advocates sale of remaining fresh air

• Persistent president passes pretzel

All politically expressed viewpoints are those of William Michaelian

AND FINALLY, A FEW MORE HEADLINES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY...

• Kobe Bryant turns into Big Mac

• Bush urges drilling in White House lawn

• FBI finds everyone guilty

• Shaquille O’Neal convicted of felony basketball

• Bob Dylan signs aftershave endorsement

• Nike shoe prices equal to 1962 Chevrolet Impala

• Pavarotti eats two tenors

• United States acquired by Wal-Mart

If You Found These Interesting, Check Out Page 1

If You Found These Interesting, Check Out Page 2

If You Found These Interesting, Check Out Page 4

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* "Humorous commentary, musings, and observations by William Michaelian"

All politically expressed viewpoints are those of William Michaelian

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 Revised: November 04, 2010 12:24 PM.