Buff Your Shoes With a Banana !
17 other Extraordinary Uses
for Ordinary Things...
My parents dropped by to help with a project I'd put off -- cleaning the house. Now, Mom and Dad are -- hmm, how do I put this delicately? -- cheap! So when I offered to pick up cleaning supplies, they said, "Never mind. We have everything we need right here in the house. Where's the vinegar?"
"Here," I said, bringing out the 12-year-old balsamic. Mom pushed past me and found the distilled white vinegar. She instructed me to make a sandwich and get out of her way.
As I ate my ham on white, I watched her tackle a carpet stain with the vinegar. I thought it a bit odd, but less so than her sniffing my bookshelf. When one book caused her nose to wrinkle, she walked it over to the kitchen and deposited it into the freezer.
"That'll get rid of that stale odor for a while," she said. I nodded in agreement, although I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to. "Hey, there's broken glass here. Did you do it?"
I shrugged. Grabbing the sandwich out of my hand, Mom threw the ham to the dog, wiped the mayo across my scalp, and carefully mopped up the glass shards with the fresh bread.
"Mayonnaise is a hair conditioner," she said. "And picking up tiny slivers of glass is easy with white bread."
Mom had lost her marbles, and I thought it only fitting that her husband should know. I found Dad in the yard mixing an ounce of vodka, some liquid dish soap, and two cups of water in a spray bottle.
"I'm hunting weeds," he said, seeing my puzzled expression.
"Apply this mixture on a sunny day." Spritz. "It won't kill the weeds." Spritz. "But the alcohol does dry 'em up." Spritz, spritz.
"You do realize that's the Grey Goose?" He didn't care.
Is everyone crazy? I thought as I walked back into the house, where Mom was buffing my shoes with banana peels.
"Mom, what are you ..." BAM! I slipped on a banana peel. "Ooh, my back ..."
"Don't move," she yelled. "I'll get the meat tenderizer!"
But first she pulled off my shoe, grabbed a sock and disappeared into the kitchen. I tried to run for my life, but Mom was quick. She returned with a paste made from meat tenderizer and water, and rubbed it on the small of my back. She then placed my sock -- which she'd filled with dried kidney beans and microwaved for thirty seconds -- over the paste.
Before I had a chance to call 911, a curious thing happened -- my back began to feel better! The enzymes in the meat tenderizer were soothing my aching muscles. And the beanbag sock worked like a heating pad.
Suddenly, I saw things anew. My shoes were clean. And though the carpet smelled like salad dressing, the stain was gone. Out in the yard stood Dad, sipping his weed killer and admiring his handiwork: shriveled weeds.
As crazy as it sounds, my parents were right. We don't always have to buy specialized cleaners or expensive chemical-filled concoctions. We already own many of the things we need to clean a house, mend a household item, or soothe a bruised back.
To celebrate my clean house, I invited them to stay for dinner. They declined. They had company coming over and had to make a big salad. "First," said Mom, "I have to throw the lettuce into the washing machine." Huh?
* * * *
NEAT - Huh?
Broaden your Beautiful Mind's storehouse of
Trivial Information with more:
Interesting Facts - 1
Interesting Facts - 2
Totally Useless Facts
What is Typoglycemia ?
Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Facts
Back To Top Of Page
Click above Image to Access
If you received this page as a link in an e-mail,
Visit "Waters" World... A Unique Web Site!
A Fun place loaded with lots of interesting pages!
E-Mail This Page to a Friend.
Uses Your Default Email Program.
~ or ~
Click the above "Email This Page" link, where You can then
enter up to 10 Recipient E-mail Addresses separated by commas.
This Web Page Feature Opens in a separate Pop-Up Window./p>
Adjust Your Pop-Up Blocker accordingly !
"Waters World" Copyright © 2002-2011
by C. H. Waters. All Rights Reserved.
Revised: December 13, 2011 01:01 PM.